On Education and Passion

This weekend I attended the Sunday Times Education Festival at Wellington College. A fantastic event that combined all that is good and forward thinking in education today with speakers and presentations on a vast number of subjects and perspectives. Michael Gove was great, however he stuck blindly to research that says the A levels most desired by business are english, maths, a language, the sciences, geography and history. This rather contradicted many of the presentations, workshops and discussions on what motivates and engages the young, which appeared to be much more the creative arts and as Bob Geldof highlighted, the creative industries have kept this country on the road significantly over the last 30 years as manufacturing has declined. The gold standard A’s also do not teach the other vital skills required by business, the importance of emotional, moral and social skills, a topic that permeated virtually everything.

The idea of a career appears to be dead yet we are in a world dominated by narrow expertise, we have a shortage of engineers and no idea what industries and skills we will need twenty years from now- or even ten. How can the business community of today define the ‘gold standard’ subjects that we should be teaching? Of course core knowledge is essential but how narrow or how broad is certainly up for debate.  Antony Seldon has taken this issue head on and was campaigning strongly for the broader potential of the International Baccalaureate and the relevance of teaching all eight aptitudes from Howard Gardner’s model of multiple intelligences, as well as the ability to be silent and mindful. Teaching how to use knowledge, as much as what knowledge children receive, seemed to be the thread.

I am struck by a big discussion in the ted group on LinkedIn that is asking ‘Our educational system is failing to help students understand their passions and prepare for the right career. How many years did it take for you to find the right career and feel engaged at work? Is there a way to avoid the sometimes 20 year detour to career happiness??

I am surprised this is not in a coaching or positive psychology group and it is quite a pet subject for me for many reasons- my own school experience and the number of midlife clients I get who realise they followed what they thought they should do rather than their heart and passions. There is no wrong and right here, we change as we mature and experience all that life throws at us, good and bad. It is often not the career path per se that is wrong but the way people are interpreting and valuing what they do. I am not sure if this is an education or a general social issue?

The best way to say it!

How to live more happily
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXI80TqAMQQ

Health and a positive attitude to food

Food is one of life’s best pleasures- are you appreciating and savouring what and how you eat?

 

 

A young man on his gap year teaching in India was struggling to connect to the children on his first day. As he groped for a subject, he asked ‘who likes food?’ The class erupted with excitement and he thought he’d cracked it. His next question, ‘what is your favourite food?’, completely baffled them.

 

 

 We have so much food, and choices of types of food, in the West that we have lost the concept of food as something that keeps us alive. What we do have are  unending amounts of research and information on what foods are best for health, happiness and energy. We devote hours of television time watching chefs cooking ever more exotic and exciting recipes and buying an unlimited number of books and magazines on the subject of food. Research shows that we are living longer and healthier but we are also getting fatter and suffering from more diabetes, coronary disease and cancer in the developed world than ever before. We know the effects of an unhealthy diet and yet we continue to eat and drink unhealthily. So much unhappiness is connected to our bodies and what we put into them that there is obviously much more to it.

 

 

 All food is good for us in moderation. What is not good for us is too much worry about what we are or are not eating. We can get all the information and spend hours buying the right things but the process of doing this can be stressful and all the benefit of eating the right stuff is lost to the anxiety. If food is something that controls us it becomes a cause of unhappiness. The same is true when food becomes a substitute for other pleasures and needs, an addiction that we can retreat into.  

 

 

Love your body as much as the food that feeds it.

When did you last stand naked in front of a mirror and really look at yourself? I am old enough for this to be much harder than it was 20 years ago. We live in a youth-obsessed culture and as we get older we can be made to feel that the natural changes to our bodies should somehow be overcome, hidden and even denied. The sexiest people are all shapes, sizes and ages – what they share is confidence and delight in themselves and their bodies.

Really sexy people are at ease with their bodies.

Everybody has flaws and imperfections. If you focus on your physical flaws rather than seeing what is beautiful about yourself, you will stop enjoying your full physical potential. Eating and body image can become so distorted that pleasure in a body that can run, jump and dance is lost along with the pleasure of eating. If you are young, be grateful for your body now. In 20 or 30 years you will long to have it again.

 Food is a pleasure and preparing food is a wonderful way to be mindful and present. Eating with other people is the best way to savour both food and company. The beginning of friendship normally starts with sharing a meal, in fact it is very unlikely that you have any significant relationships with someone you haven’t eaten with.

Here are some ways to eat well for a healthy mind AND body

• Eat fruit and vegetables daily.
• Make time to cook; cooking your own food is healthier not just because the ingredients are better but the time you spend preparing it can be mindful or social.
• Eat more slowly and relish your food. Take time to really enjoy and savour your food. Deny yourself nothing but take longer eating and relishing what you are eating. Notice what the food tastes of and how it feels in your mouth.
• Eat what you enjoy; keep portions moderate but don’t deny yourself the pleasure of eating.     Eat with someone else.
• Eat better snacks; nuts, dried fruit or home-made pop corn.
• Have regular meal times.
• Bring colour to your plate.
• Take a minute to be grateful for your food and the body it feeds.
• Don’t see food as a problem, see it as the source of life that it is.
• Try finding five physical aspects of yourself that you like, and really take note of what people compliment you for.

 

 

  

Why not give your body a good clean out now and then? Fasting every once in a while is very good for clearing your system both physically and mentally and is still used as a spiritual practice.

 

 

Alternatively give yourself a mindful eating exercise:

Take a piece of chocolate and eat it as slowly as you can, let it melt on your tongue and stay in your mouth as long as you can. Enjoy this exercise with a friend!

Brilliant RSA talks

I love all the RSA illustrated talks, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6XAPnuFjJc this is great.
you can also find Dan Pink at www.ted.com/talks

What does it mean to be good?

What does it mean to be good?

Why do we all agree that the current exposure of the behaviour of the MPs is that they have not behaved ethically? It appears that many were encouraged to see expenses in lieu of the salaries they forfeited, but too many individuals had pushed the collective collusion past a blurred unwritten line. What was acceptable at one level became unequivocal fraud at some unspecified point. The same issue applies to the human rights privacy law becoming a means for a footballer to hide his adultery. It is clear the law was never drafted for such use but a collective collusion has encouraged a general abuse. After the financial collapse in 2008 it is possible to see how far people had pushed the collective collusion behind behaviour that was clearly wrong but technically legal.

A flourishing life is an integrated life

The wellbeing community speak of a flourishing life.

Flourishing implies more than being happy it includes the idea of living in a way that involves healthy thought and action, in mind, body and spirit.  The rewards of a full and flourishing life are happiness and wellbeing.

The most interesting and relevant research findings into what contributes to a flourishing life tell us the importance of:

Feeling good, being grateful, being curious and open minded, acting generously, choosing wisely, living meaningfully, having self-acceptance and being sociable.

Research into this subject appears to be confirming old ideas about character and living a ‘good’ life. All traditional stories that teach us about this subject however, are clothed in metaphor or tale, being a ‘good’ person gets rewarded and attending to character traits that endear you to others is the key to a ‘good’ life and reward. Positive psychology has collided with moral philosophy and spiritual practices and the reward is wellbeing and happiness.

All stories are really about good character and the courage to learn and face challenges. This is in essence at the core of every Hollywood story and the ‘reward’ is as likely to be happiness through personal fulfilment and self-discovery as material gain. The guy gets the girl because he wins himself first (or vice versa).

The stuff of tales - courage, generosity, wisdom, and honour depends on self-knowledge and belief combined with the ability to look beyond the self, to the needs of others. Stop for a moment and think about what in your life has given you the most lasting sense of well-being – when you felt truly yourself, a moment or event that caused you to feel great long afterwards. I bet it either affected other people or was something that involved a challenge.

Altruism is not self-denial it is the employment of empathy and imagination. When combined with that horrible word responsibility, we own up to the fact that our lives are not separate but intricately interdependent and our actions matter.

A flourishing live is an integrated life, living a life that is both fulfilling to yourself as well as those around you and beyond. A flourishing life can begin with a smile and always has a story to tell.

The small and the complex

If you google happiness, well being or positive psychology you will quickly discover the main  subjects and research. The importance of gratitude, meaning, optimism, resilience, kindness, developing your strengths, and finding what you value. You will also hopefully find that variety is important and that exercise and mindful living are as beneficial to the mind as to the body.

Most of what is written on the subject is limited and simplistic and at its heart a 'good' life is not complicated - but it is complex.

There isn’t just one contributing key to a happier, more fulfilled life. Nothing is simple and yet everything is simple, because changing just one small aspect in your life affects something else which in turn has an effect.

The scientist Stephen Wolfram shows very neatly how complexity can arise from the very simple when randomness is one of the factors fed into the most basic computer program. This is not what is interesting; his main point is that it is not always possible to retrieve the simple beginning from the complex or to predict the outcome when randomness is a feature. In a very simple example he creates beautiful and complex patterns from running very basic programs.

In some ways it could be said that positive psychology is attempting to find the code, the initial programme that  produce the most beautiful lives. Philosophers and mystics have attempted similar journeys and come to very similar conclusions. There is no surprise at how much research findings are mirroring some of the teachings of ancient mystics and philosophers. However, it should be remembered that all ancient writings on the practices and behaviours of those who have embodied what has been recognised as the height of human flourishing were written by followers in their name. Buddha, Jesus and Socrates wrote nothing. Their ‘teaching’ was given in practice and through stories and principles that call for reflective action in relationship to the self and others; the best understanding of these teachings is only really revealed in practice.

Being judgmental and the misery of social comparison

Why are we often so judgemental?

The psychologist Jonathan Haidt says it is because this is part of the essential glue that holds us socially cohesive. He argues that ‘tit for tat’, or ‘do as you would be done by’, is the most successful way we have to work as an individual within a group; policing, or monitoring, this tension works through our common public judgement of each other. Because we assess and judge people, we hold them accountable and are in turn held accountable. We are constantly judging who is deserving of what reward or punishment, and we are naturally programmed to reciprocate like for like.

In his book Women are from Mars, Men are from Venus, John Gray talks about how we are doing this in relationships all the time, subconsciously awarding points to ourselves and our partner and we judge others through our own award system.

There are many different award systems associated to gender, personality, class, culture, age, and most especially beliefs and values. What you believe, what you most value, reflects and governs how you make sense of the world and therefore affects your judgement and can govern your emotions. We feel the world through what we value and we judge others through this veil of emotion. brilliant

Answer the following questions with a score of 1–10 to get an idea of how much you judge people.

• How much do you feel let down by people?
• How much do you criticise?
• How much does it matter to you to be acknowledged?
• How much do you believe only some people are worth spending time with?
• How much do you look for praise?

Judging other people is one thing, judging yourself in reference to others is a first-class ticket to unhappiness.

• How much do you worry about how much fun or success other people are having compared to yourself?
• How much do you want other people to think you have an interesting or exciting life?

The new charity Action for Happiness  http://www.actionforhappiness.org/ has a wonderful poster that says it very neatly.

 

Notice if you are constantly evaluating yourself in respect to other people. Your social support is part of who you are and those around you can have a great influence on how you feel about yourself. Being dependent on the opinions of others affects your own self-regard which is then fed back into your relationships with other people.  

Comparing ourselves and judging others is only bad when it is done negatively or makes us feel bad. We all need to feel we belong and we all love to belong to a ‘tribe’ we identify with, who share similar outlooks, pleasures and activities. Belonging to a football club, church community, sharing a school or geography, life experience or social class is part of who we are, and people who share these things with us share a part of our identity and make us feel we belong and are connected.

What is your identity?

Wanting to have another identity from the one we ‘think’ we have is different from growing and developing an identity that is authentic and comfortable;  that incorporates who we have been into who we are and who we can be. Comparing yourself to others in a way that becomes unhealthy can develop from a belief that your identity comes only from external expression;- who we want to be seen to be by others. This can lead to a life of constant neediness and judgement.

Here are three ways to become less judgemental.

Be authentic rather than sincere

We are increasingly identified by our sincerity of belief, which is rewarded by outside approval of our adherence to the 'popular' or ‘right’ way to think or behave. You can be high-minded and sincerely so, but to be authentic you must also be rooted in reality, which can require restraint, compromise, and full responsibility to both yourself and other people.

·         Who are you when you are being sincere?

·         Who are you when you are being authentic?

·         How is this different?

Develop your self-regard.

Develop your self-regard through acceptance, love, curiosity, gratitude and fun. Learn to be and celebrate ALL that you are, your weaknesses and your strengths, and you will find yourself enjoying all your relationships better, especially with yourself.

Learning self-acceptance is part of growing your self-regard, the best way to reduce the misery of social comparison and being too judgmental.

Make friends who share your values

Choosing relationships and friends that complement rather than compete with your own abilities and strengths stops you being competitive and envious. Choosing partners and friends who have qualities and strengths you can admire and celebrate encourages reciprocal respect and admiration.

Curiosity- a key ingredient to wellbeing

Are you open and curious or do you hold on to rigid expectations.?

Being open to new (and old) experiences and open to continuous learning, having a growth as opposed to a fixed mind-set, has a great effect on every aspect of your happiness and well-being.

Research is showing that having a growth mind-set rather than being fixed in how we see the world is an important distinction between people who thrive and those who don’t.

People with a growth mind-set never stop learning.

Your ability to adapt and learn is a key component of your happiness and well-being.

We all face challenges and change, and having an attitude that embraces personal growth happens when we are willing to learn. Setbacks and failure are opportunities to improve and grow. People with a growth mind-set love challenges and new experiences.

Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.

Albert Einstein,1879–1955

According to the psychologist Carol Dweck someone with a growth mind-set:

·         Is open to new ideas.

·         Enjoys challenges.

·         Believes that abilities develop.

·         Believes that lives and relationships and other people develop.

·         Work at relationships.

·         Is always learning (especially from setbacks)

Whereas people with a fixed mind-set:

·         Believe that ability and intelligence are innate.

·         Are Judgemental.

·         Limit their achievement (crumbles in the face of challenge and adversity). 

·         Believe that that if they have to work at things they must be stupid – it should come naturally.

·         Believe that if relationships need work they must be wrong

How can you become more curious? Curiosity does more than broaden your mind; curiosity is a significant factor in well-being. Research has proved that the more curious we are the happier we are, both in our pleasure and joy in the moment and in our general well-being. The psychologist Todd Kashdan calls curiosity the ‘engine of wellbeing’. Knowing who you are, what you enjoy, how your life can be better, safer, happier or easier is the beginning of making it so. The more curious you are the bigger your world gets, and your knowledge of yourself, others and the world deepens.

Anxiety can be cured with curiosity. Next time you feel anxious you may notice that it is because there is something you don’t know, so why not:

·         Get curious about why you are anxious.

·         Find out what you need to do.

·         Say you don’t understand.

The more open you are to new ideas and perspectives the more you will be able to affect your happiness and well-being.

Why no decide today be open and curious to any and all possibilities and to let go

of any attachment to specific outcomes.

Dweck, C. (2008). Mindset: The new psychology of success – how we

can learn to fulfil our potential. New York: Ballantine Books.