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Wednesday 13 July 2011

The importance of vulnerability

This is such an important subject. If you look at nothing else on this blog watch Brene Brown
http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

I have found everything she talks about is true, in my own life and with clients.

The relationship of weakness and strength is much more than having the courage to ask for help. It is  about being strong enough to embrace weakness and stand in the hard place and accept and embrace all that we are.

Real weakness, real vulnerability, is something we are uncomfortable and struggle with, but shouldn't stop us from accepting ourselves as we really are. Owning, rather than denying this part of ourselves allows us to accept and love others with true intimacy.

I learned a long time ago that the part of me that I wanted to change and loose, the me I was most ashamed of, was a part of me that people connected to. I still feel useless and vulnerable sometimes, however, the more accepting I am of my own weaknesses the more able I have been to love and accept weakness and vulnerability in others.

Do you love your friends because they are perfect or because they feel safe enough with you to let you see thier flaws?

Something simple

For a happier longer life, try smiling more! http://www.ted.com/talks/ron_gutman_the_hidden_power_of_smiling.html

Monday 11 July 2011

Happiness and a growth mindset

Research is showing that having a growth mindset rather than being fixed in how we see the world is an important distinction between people who thrive and those who don’t.
 
People with a growth mindset never stop learning. Your ability to adapt and learn is a key component of your happiness and well-being. We all face challenges and change, and having an attitude that embraces personal growth happens when we are willing to learn. Setbacks and failure are opportunities to improve and grow.
People with a growth mindset love challenges and new experiences.

In her book, Mindset: The new psychology of success, Carol Dweck explains how having an open mind to both our abilities and the world we live in allows us to grow and develop, and that holding fixed ideas reduces and limits not only our potential, but our potential for happiness. She also says that as a culture we don’t praise enough the effort and struggle people make, especially the young, when facing and overcoming setbacks.

‘Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.’ Albert Einstein,1879–1955

According to Carol Dweck

People with a Growth Mindset:
  • Are open to new ideas.
  • Are always learning (especially from setbacks).
  • Enjoy challenges.
  • Believe that abilities develop.
  • Believe that lives and relationships and other people develop.
  • Work at relationships
People with a Fixed Mindset
  • Believe that ability and intelligence are innate.
  • Are Judgemental.
  • Limit achievement (crumbles in the face of challenge and adversity).
  • Believe that if relationships need work they must be wrong.      
  • Believe that that if they have to work at things they must be stupid – it should come naturally
Research has shown that people with a growth mindset are more likely to be realistic about themselves and their abilities than those with a fixed mindset. Being open to growth, learning and  development does not mean an over-inflated idea of one’s abilities, but openness to possibilities and potential.
 
How open to change and development are you?
 
Think of a time or incident that was hard for you.  

What did you learn?
 
How did you change?
 
What in your life has changed for the better because of this?
 
What, about the experience, are you grateful for?

With a growth mindset we grow intellectually (growing in our knowledge of the world and developing our reasoning powers) and emotionally (growing more emotional intelligence). All experience becomes good as it builds resources and self knowledge for positive growth and change.  The more we know about ourselves the greater are our chances of realising our potential

Find your mindset
Read the statements below and mark whether you agree or disagree with them:

 
1. You are the person you are and you can’t really change that, or
 
2. I believe that everybody can change, every kind of person is able to change.
 
3. The main part of who you are can’t change but you can do things differently, or

4 .You can always change basic things about the kind of person you are.
 
*[Questions 1 and 3 are the fixed mindset questions and 2 and 4 are the growth mindset.]
 
If you are most comfortable with statements 1 and 3, try thinking about what it means to you to believe that people cannot change, and, more importantly, what would change in your life if you chose statements 2 and 4. Then: Make a quick list of where you have opportunities to learn more.

 Carol Dweck (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. New York: Ballantine Books

Group Life Coaching Research

My research on the effect attending a life club workshop has on happiness and wellbeing has been published!  Groupwork An Interdisciplinary Journal for Working with Groups, Volume 20, Number 3, 2010 , pp. 51-72(22).

Nina Grunfelds Life Clubs are a great way to boost your happiness and wellbeing  www.lifeclubs.com

Thursday 7 July 2011

Everything you do effects everything you do!

In this rather confusing mind map I hope to convey the integrated way we improve happiness and wellbeing. Improving only one of the boxes has the potential to impact on all of your life. Action and focus in any area of your life can positively affect your overall wellbeing, resilience and happiness

The Indians have a saying- that we are a house with four rooms, emotional, physical, mental and spiritual and we need to visit each room every day if only to open the window.

Monday 4 July 2011

Become happier by becoming kinder

You can increase your positive emotion and well-being by
increasing your kindness.
The child psychologist Bernard Rimland, director of the Institute for
Child Behavior Research, found that ‘the happiest people are those
who help others’. In his study, people were asked to list ten people
they knew and then to mark each according to how happy they
thought they were. They were then asked to rate the same people
for how selfish they were. Those who were less selfish were also
more likely to be the happiest.
Why not try this experiment for yourself? Rimland’s criterion for
selfish behaviour was ‘a stable tendency to devote one’s time and
resources to one’s own interests and welfare – an unwillingness to
inconvenience one’s self for others’.

Random acts of kindness can be anything: something
as simple as thanking someone, or stopping to allow a car
to pull out in front of you or letting someone onto a train before
you. All random acts of kindness are a real boost to happiness.

Get inventive with your kindness. It is very important to remember how
much variety matters. We love surprise, so keep your kindness fresh.
In a ten-week experiment Sonja Lyubomirsky asked people to practise
random acts of kindness. What was interesting about this research was that
the effect on happiness depended on the variety and not the frequency.

Don’t let this stop you – the more kindness you show the happier you will feel!
In another study in Japan people were asked to count their kindnesses. The
results showed that happy people became more kind and grateful, and all
participants became happier.

B. Rimland (1982). The altruism paradox. Psychological Reports, 51, 521.
Julia K. Boehm and Sonja Lyubomirsky (2008). The Promise of Sustainable Happiness. University of California, Riverside.
K. Otake, S. Shimai, J. Tanaka-Matsumi, K. Otsui and B. Fredrickson, (2006). Happy people become kinder through kindness: A counting kindness intervention. Journal of Happiness Studies, 7(3), 361–75.